We Want to Live
Since coming out three years ago, my dad has told me time and time again: “Avery, in this life you have two choices: you can be a Rosie or you can be an Ellen.”
When people consider homosexuality, I imagine the rainbow-clad, “out and proud,” Rosie O’Donnell types spring to mind. Of course, such people are necessary. They are the Martin Luther Kings of the gay community. However, society sometimes forgets that some, such as Ellen DeGeneres, just want to live. Some just yearn for their basic life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.
I met Carl in the theater at the age of eight. Always sporting a smile and an encouraging word, I grew close to Carl far before homosexual innuendo clouded my moldable mind. To me, he was a grandfather figure, orientation aside.
Carl’s perpetual, “the glass is half full” attitude stood out to me throughout our recent interview. Despite a childhood plagued with hardships such as losing his mother, bouncing between foster homes, rape, an alcoholic father and a violent encounter with a group of Marines, Carl remained optimistic. More heartbreaking than the rest, however, was his testimony of a double life. “I was living a very straight life during the day, and a very gay one at night,” he said. I cannot imagine the loneliness he must have felt declaring open homosexuality at the age of 22, nearly 50 years ago, at a time when civil rights were just entering the political arena.
Through our conversation, Carl’s manner remained upbeat. He lit up when speaking about his long-time partner and his love for theater. I realized that his life is no different than anyone who is making a marriage work, earning a living, contributing to society and dealing with the trials of everyday life.
Carl chooses to be an Ellen. He chooses to live life quietly with someone that he loves and support his family, as unorthodox as that family may seem to some. He chooses to participate in theater, which brings joy to many. And so my question remains: how could anyone justify challenging a life as conventional as this?
